My Notes on the Employee Code of Conduct
Page #1
Page #2Please click on these for the FULLSIZE (that's right) version of the RULES.
Signed,
The Boss
posted by Michelle Souliere @ 3:30 PM
9 ZU employees live in fear of Mr. Freeman
9 Comments:
Dear Mr. Freeman,
We noticed in the edited version of the Employee Conduct Code there is mention of Monkey Powder. Are you suggesting that we here in the mailroom come to work without deodorant? I shudder to think of the effect this may have on the complex.
We beg you to reconsider.
Thank you,
The Mail Room Staff
Dear Monkey--
Please rest assured that this so-called "Monkey Powder" was a product development idea that we were researching in bygone years.
It in no way impinges upon your need for deodorant.
Signed,
The Boss
Dear Mr. Freeman,
Due to confusion concerning the aforementioned Monkey Powder, all in the mailroom are not wearing deoderant today. It should be noted that the EPA will be visiting this evening, as there is some unease about the air quality in this area of the complex.
Thank you,
The Mail Room Staff Spokesmonkey
Dear Hal:
In response to your concern I have done a little research on my own and found a very nice little page dealing specifically with providing indoor monkey safety. Please read it through and tell me what you think.
I especially like the part about "little monkey hands" under the "Electrical Appliances and Outlets" heading.
Good luck Hal! Hope this helps! :)
Frank
Safety Committee member
Wow, if you want to see some weird news about monkeys, check some of the stuff on this page out:
http://www.harpers.org/Monkey.html
A few choice items that really flipped my trigger:
Number of pygmy monkeys seized from a traveler's pants last December by L.A. customs officials: 2
Golly! Those little buggers must have made for an interesting plane ride.
Or how about this one from May 23rd:
and a new kind of monkey was discovered in Tanzania. It communicates in honking barks rather than in whoop-gobbles.[Washington Post]
I myself would like to try this but to substitute "interesting" for the word "dangerous":
The Mesa, Arizona, police department applied for funding to buy and train a tiny monkey that they can dress in a kevlar vest and send into dangerous situations.[AP]
Oh, God. I think I just rediscovered the Georgia Department of Corruption. Those bastards! First, they fire me. THEN, they post the handbook on line.
Zero Unlimited rules.
Dear Fritz: You can NEVER have too many handbooks.
Mr.F
P.S. I hope you enjoyed the illustrations.
Infant primates are frequently taken from their mothers and sold when only days old. This wrenching event—for both mother and baby—is just the beginning of the emotional deprivation animals bred for the pet trade must endure.
With everyone babbling about the injuries that monkeys cause to others, something cooked up by the conservative media no doubt, we have forgotten the plight of these monkeys! Poor little guys, taken from their mothers. They are probably sociopaths. Little serial killer monkeys, caused by a lack of attachment to their primary caregiver.
I see I have something else to protest. Does my job never end?
Horrified Beyond Comprehension,
Monkey
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