Day 7 - The Beergle-ator

Since you noodleheads can't seem to keep up with this stuff, I am going to have to exercise my leadership skills (bet you never thought you'd see the day) and take this affair in hand and spank its little booty beet-red.

With the advent of the Rathskeller's successful installation in the basement of Zone 8, it seemed appropriate to introduce our next item at this opportune time. Anonce...

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The Beergle-ator
Not to be confused with Ator, Fighting Eagle (see image), this little contraption is the best thing going for your beer. Do you like it fizzy? Do you like it in a fight? Just let the Beergle-ator go to work for you.

With each turn of its micro-engineered hardware, this little doohickey will percolate your beer to frothy perfection. Not enough head? No problem. Really want to splash beer all over your buddy "unintentionally"? No problem. The Beergle-ator has you covered!!! With settings from "Humming Fizz Mistifier" to "Really Messy Like Some King of Beer Tiger Knocked You Over!" our engineers have gone the extra nine yards to make sure the Beergle-ator will do exactly what you want.

Additional accessories available include the Wet T-Shirt Contest Nozzle, Personal Splashguard (which doubles as the Accidental Splash Director for 2-in-1 Fun), and Explosive Knocker for those really rowdy nights that just haven't learned how to express themselves fully yet, and need a push in the right direction.

The Beergle-ator will be available in the near future, test marketing to occur at the Rathskeller on a date to be announced. Not recommended for the fur-wearer who looks askance at smelling like delicious beer.

Day 6 - Rathskeller Implementation Device

Since Ms. Couchon refused to acknowledge the clear superiority of my device, or to validate its winning status with such acknowledgment, it was my clear duty to take her keyboard away from her yesterday. Please accept this Day 6 post a little late. I was testing out the mechanism and there were a few technical difficulties. Lenny was helping me.

Here it is:

Rathskeller Implementation Device
What better way to assuage those lingering yearnings for days and nights spent soaking in massive quantities of German beer than to implement your own rathskeller?

The Rathskeller has long maintained its superior standing over the hokeypokey, and for good reason. It even promotes good health, if you can understand the German slogan "Besser ein Rausch, denn ein Fieber." What?! You don't know German? Well me either, so here is the translation: "Better be tipsy than feverish." Right! So don't be a bozo.

Who wouldn't want want to immerse themselves in a beer-soaked, hearty, rousing atmosphere of German beer? Testruns have indicated that the mechanism works most effectively in a wood or stone-based architecture form, and is best used in a traditional manner, i.e., in a basement level room (this will keep your downstairs neighbors, teetotallers as they are, from descending on your previously serene rathskeller and wrecking it in rage).

Any artwork that yearns for a patina of beer and sausage aroma should be installed before initiating the rathskeller implementation. Once set in motion, the mechanism will do its work on its own. If you want to get a head start on your immersion in your own personal German beer hall, feel free to remain in the chamber while the mechanism does its work. You will emerge, hours later, perfumed in barley and hops, and weaving pleasantly while waving your stein about in a rousing fashion.

I'll answer any questions you may have during our demonstration of the device at 2:00 this afternoon when we install it in one of the Zone 8 storage rooms off of the Haunted Corridor as the Warehouse Staff has chipped in on Lenny's advice to purchase one for their department. We are also working on integrating a Schnitzel House into the optional plans.